nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
