I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
