i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
