I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
