She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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