How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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