I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
