i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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