i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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