I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He passed out mid-signature
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
