you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
