There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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