Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
