i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
