I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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