I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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