Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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