I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
