420 ftw
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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