Umm I'm too high to move.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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