I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
