C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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