he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish you could order shots online.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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