Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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