I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
