Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
