You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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