A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
