K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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