i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i need some magic done to my vagina
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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