S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
