i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
