o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
