We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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