i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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