A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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