worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
