First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
