i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
