I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
