Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
