If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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