is your mom at the bar?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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