Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
