I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
