The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
