I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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