all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
