in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
