Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
