walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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