I must be too annoying 4 u.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you had me at cake vodka
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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