just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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