and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
