Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
