im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
