The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
