You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
