Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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