So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
