My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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