The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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