I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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